Memo: Retirement of the Old Cushion and the Appointment of a New One

From: Commodore Barnaby Whiskerley

To: All staff and Monocle

Subject: The cushion

Colleagues, it is with a heavy heart that I announce the retirement of the cushion. It has served the company since our very first expedition, and its contribution cannot be measured in words. It can however be measured in fur, of which there is a great deal.

A proud history

The cushion was acquired in a rather informal manner, having been left on a doorstep by a person whose identity we have never discovered. It was green, and plump, and it smelled faintly of lavender. In the years since, it has become flat, grey and possessed of a smell we shall not describe.

Notable achievements

• Supported the Commodore during the Great Sparrow Watch
• Survived two floods, one spilled milk incident and an unfortunate episode with a hairball
• Hosted a record seven cats during a single heatwave
• Provided a stable platform for the first sighting of a woodpecker

The replacement

The new cushion is larger, firmer and a distinctly bolder shade of mustard. It was chosen after a long and careful process in which Juniper Fitch sat on seventeen cushions and rejected sixteen. The chosen cushion has a small tassel at each corner, which is a feature and also a temptation.

Transition arrangements

For a period of two weeks, both cushions will remain at the window. The old cushion will serve as a mentor, and the new cushion will serve as a seat. At the end of this period, the old cushion will be moved to a quiet corner and sat on only occasionally, as a mark of respect.

A moment of reflection

I ask that all staff pause for thirty seconds in silence, looking out of the window. If a bird should appear during this time, you may continue to look. The cushion would have wanted it that way.

Thank you for your service, and for your understanding.

Barnaby Whiskerley, Commodore