Welcome Aboard the Window Seat Wildlife Tours Experience
Thank you for choosing Window Seat Wildlife Tours, the only expedition company to guarantee that you will return home safely, since you are already there. We are delighted to welcome you, and we hope you will find our service both educational and mildly irritating.
What is a window seat tour?
A window seat tour is an immersive wildlife encounter conducted from a comfortable position. You will sit, you will look, and you will see whatever happens to pass. We make no promises about what this will be. We have seen eagles, we have seen sparrows, and on one occasion we saw a leaf that behaved suspiciously.
Your guide
Your guide is Juniper Fitch, a seasoned naturalist with a keen eye and a poor memory. She will point out wildlife as it appears, using a technique she describes as “a very focused stare”. Please follow her gaze, and if you are unable to see the creature, pretend that you can.
Equipment
You will not need to bring much. We provide the following free of charge:
- One window, cleaned occasionally
- One cushion, of reasonable softness
- One pair of binoculars, which are decorative
- One lukewarm saucer of water, for emergencies
- Monocle, our trusted telescope, who has seen things
The route
The tour begins at the left side of the window and proceeds slowly to the right. At the midpoint, there is a comfort break, which is a nap. The tour then concludes at the right side of the window, where the sun is warmer. The total distance covered is approximately thirty centimetres.
Safety information
Please keep all paws inside the window at all times. The window is closed, but we like to say it. In the event of a loud bang, which is likely to be the neighbour, remain calm and observe from behind the curtain.
What to expect
You will see leaves. You will see branches. You will see a number of birds of varying sizes, all of them confident and none of them reachable. This is the essence of the experience: proximity without contact, and longing without resolution.
Please take your seats. Commodore Whiskerley will now ring the small bell. The tour has begun.
